This is for #PitchWars, which I will most assuredly lose due to word count. Ah, my old nemesis, the word count. One day I shall tear the Post-It from the lower left corner of my computer screen, and defeat you for all of eternity.
I’ve never done a Pimp My Bio before, and today’s the last day, so I’ll keep it brief. (I’m sure my college Speech class would have given anything if I could have done that.) I’ve already got a nice bio if you want to learn the nerdy generals about me – my specialty (alethiomancy), my favored underdogs (the Browncoats), my theology (the Wizard’s First Rule especially), and my absolute favorite thing of all time (Toothless the dragon). But for now
First off:
Why I Suck as a Writer
- I write too much and make giant books and get in way over my head.
Why I Win as a Writer
- I revel in cutting. Where’s my axe?
I Think You Get The Picture
(I’m terribly worried about my word count.)
Moving On
Okay, prospective mentors, of which there are none. Here are some nifty facts about me as a partner/mentee:
- I listen. I am not perfect. Tell me what I’m doing wrong. Initially, I might feel quietly stupid, but I’ll power through and do the edits and realize there weren’t as many edits as it felt like there were, and then I’ll feel magnificent and accomplished, all because I took your advice without complaint and let my heart shatter just a wee tiny bit. I actually founded my writer’s group, and they will vouch for me.
- I have no real job. I gave it up to be a writer, thanks to my handsome and supportive SO and a lifelong dream I just couldn’t give up. So I have literally all of the time to work with you, and all of the reason to put forth my best effort… although I’m certainly not one of those people that sits at home and freeloads. My impostor gauge works overtime.
- I actually know the industry and the basics. I once interned for an agent. I’m hyper-aware of the things that make my book less marketable. I’m prepared for the emotional, monetary, and time-related cost of traditional publishing, and you won’t have to coddle me. In addition, I know spelling and grammar, crutch words, the dangers of adverbs, the difference between plot and event, and a hundred other things you’ll have to force down the throat of a noob (no offense to them – they’ve got to learn sometime).
- I hate confrontation. You will see absolutely none of this from me.
- I love to-do lists. I’ll get back to you, and quickly. I hate when my inbox is full.
In Conclusion
This is me excited to work with you.
