Show vs. Tell: On Using Dialogue

As part of my ongoing blog series on how to show, not tell, I wanted to offer up some hints and tricks for using dialogue to Show. Writers often use dialogue as a place to dump information, rather than using it as an opportunity to Show character and setting.

Using Dialogue

It was impossible to get a conversation going. Everyone was talking too much.

– Yogi Berra

DISCLAIMER: Focus Your Conversations!

If you don’t stick to a single goal with each conversation, you risk rambling or causing confusion. 

Since conversations are the easiest way to Show a character gathering or giving information, conversations tend to become info-dumps in early drafts. We begin with one thing the character is learning, and then move on to other information, and still more information – until the reader completely loses track, all within the same conversation. A simple trick to fixing this is to focus every conversation on ONE particular plot point, explanation, revelation, etc. Sometimes you can get away with two of these items, but save the other plot points for later, or reveal them in some other way.

Replace “Had/Has” With Dialogue

Past or present perfect tenses (tenses with “had” or “has” paired with their verbs) are not only dull to read, they are solid Telling. Often you can replace them with the non-“had” versions  of the verb, like so:

His teammates had run for the net.
His teammates ran for the net.

But if that doesn’t work or still comes off too boring, another good trick is to convert your “had” phrases into dialogue. This can have multiple side effects: the cutting of word count, the Showing of character traits, and/or the Showing of emotions. Take the following examples:

The game had disappointed Ian.
“Wow,” Ian sighed, his eyes glazed as he stared at the screen. “Just… wow.”

“How is driver’s ed?” she asked him.
He had been taking classes for two weeks and hated every minute of it.
“How is driver’s ed?” she asked him.
He shrugged. “Two weeks down, four to go. That’s the only upside.”

He had been expected to talk to reporters in the past. This looked like the same thing.
“Another reporter?”

Imply with Wording & Dialogue Tags

As a general rule, it’s a good idea to drop the actual words of emotion (anger, frustration, etc) from your text. Instead, you can imply these emotions. You can do this by using certain phrases associated with certain emotions or by using italics. For example:

She didn’t seem to care at all.
She waved a hand. “Whatever.”

She gaped in disbelief. “What?”
She froze. “You have got to be kidding me.”

You can also imply emotion by Showing us how the words sound, which sets the tone. Keep in mind that you can easily overuse non-“said” dialogue tags, but if used sparingly, this is a good strategy:

He was angry. “I hate you!”
“I hate you!” he roared.

Her eyes filled with fear. “Is this the end?”
“Is this… the end?” she whispered.

Have Characters Act, React, and Speak Like Themselves

Dialogue is a great place to display character, but early drafts of dialogue often lack action, reaction, or inflection. Characters will just stand in space, staring ahead, and talk in a monotone. They never interact with their settings. When a bomb drops, they show no response to it. When they talk, it’s stiff and textbooky. All of this turns your conversation into one big Telling festival where information is revealed and nothing else happens. Fix what makes dialogue boring and unrealistic, however, and you end up Showing character:

“Do you know what I do to my enemies?” he said. “I kill them.”
He picked up his fork. “Do you know what I do to my enemies?” he said, pressing the fork into the white tablecloth and spinning it around by its tines. (Action, Setting, Character.)

“We’re getting a divorce.”
“Okay. I get to keep the dog.”
“We’re getting a divorce.”
Mike opened his mouth to speak, but then her words caught up to him. “Wait… what?”
“You heard me. And I get to keep the dog.” (Action, Reaction, Character.)

“You haven’t mentioned anything about that,” she said.
She looked up sharply. “Since when?” (Action, Reaction, Inflection.)